What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 04:42
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
(And it was in our own minds.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why has my ex moved on so fast after years of being together with me?
He knew the spot.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Who is the beast of Revelation 13?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do all the stupid people think Donald J. Trump is stupid?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
What is your most intimate experience with your best friend?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it wasn’t much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Do you regret being married to your current wife?
We were not on the streets..
Why did i forgive my father ?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Do you remember one day, you put a deep smile on someone's face and made them very happy?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ive learnt so much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And i lived it daily.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I said to her
I could never make a relationship work though!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She was in good health!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Put me off passion for life!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He resisted the act ,that day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But, we were locked up after school.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was very sick at this time too.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot live in the past .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
I have no regrets .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I write beautiful poetry .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What did i know ?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I waited trembling.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Comes on , in middle age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Would this be the day?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She found it foreign!.
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was seconnd youngest,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im still living with it.
All the time i was locked up.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So, i spoilt her more .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It was going to be , some day.
This is soul school!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Who then, do I blame.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Especially a lifetime of it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was scared of men, in general
She loved him until the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My life is so biszare .
My family never makes their pension either.